How Adaptation Affects How We Chase Money and Comfort

I've just returned from a couple weeks in the rural and suburban Midwest, very different places than my native Los Angeles.

In my life before the trip, I had a list going of things I wanted to buy (clothes, shoes, furniture, car stereo) and was in the process of saving the money. What did I semi-consciously believe these things would do for me? Make me feel more comfortable, of course. Just a little more comfortable than I already am, and if I'm really honest, there was also a little hope that this might be the last little sliver to complete it. "When this list is done, I'll be wholly and permanently comfortable." (Do I know better? Yes, but that's often how it goes with semi-conscious beliefs.)

Then I went to a different America, where nearly everyone I met believed strongly (and discussed openly) that they didn't have enough money. I observed a pervasive pattern that went something like this: "If only we could get a better car, everything would be OK," "If we could afford a trip to Florida, we'd be doing great," or "When we finally get the money to finish the [stalled home improvement project], it'll be a huge relief."

What I heard in both their assertions and my own list-making was this: "When I get the money, then I'll be comfortable."

What I also experienced was this: "You're from California? That must be heavenly." "It takes a lot of money to live in California!" "I've heard it's really expensive and nice out there."

What I heard in that was: "You have more money than I, so you must be more comfortable than I am." Which wasn't true. I felt like I had the same quantity (if not quality) of "when-thens" running as they did.

Upon my return, I was struck at how incredibly comfortable my life truly is, how I've surrounded myself with possessions that I love, how I've given myself countless little luxuries, how I've created a life with lots of fun and freedom.

It was irresistible to ask myself, a bit judgmentally, "How could I have failed to appreciate all I have and thought I needed more? How could I have felt less than 100% comfortable here, in this lovely home, in this marvelous life?" I thought they had a point -- that I had more, so I should feel more comfortable. But it didn't work that way. Why?

Because I had adapted. And this is what we do.

Humans are incredibly adaptable creatures. Our comfort zones shift all over the map. In fact, sometimes my counseling work is targeted to raising comfort zones so that we can "tolerate" more joy, more prosperity. (How good can you stand it? Let's raise that bar!)

However, more commonly, comfort zones sink. People adapt to abusive relationships and miserable job conditions so often that I bet you've had the semi-conscious thought, "How does he/she put up with that?" at least once in the past month. And those who are in it, can't see it. Because they've adapted.

Adaptation is a blessing. Change is constant, so adapting is healthy and very necessary to our sanity.??But doesn't that mean that comfort is always going to elude us?

No, it won't always elude us, but it will come and go! And it's good to realize this.

It means that we accept the truth and wisdom of our adaptable nature. Once we accept this, we can create our lives in harmony and cooperation with it rather than denial or judgment or rigidity. We can maximize the joy, maximize the fun, and yes, maximize the comfort in our lives and feel empowered in the process.

It starts with letting go of the illusion that money will bring comfort, that those with more money are more comfortable, or permanently comfortable.

Life on Earth isn't meant to be comfortable all the time. Democracy isn't about being comfortable. Freedom of religion isn't about being comfortable. Being in relationships isn't about being comfortable. Heat waves and taxes and bad television programs are just all part of the deal.

But when we drop the expectation or aspiration to be permanently comfortable at some point, then our ability to attract, enjoy and effectively use money to enhance our lives increases dramatically. We lighten the load, so money comes more easily.

Meanwhile, inner peace (which many confuse as comfort) is sourced from within: self-esteem, compassion, humility, trust, loving... none of which have anything to do with money! If you want to chase something, why not chase that?

©2008 Karen Romine, all rights reserved.

Return to the Resources page